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rue-madame's Diaryland Diary

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Daughter against Lunatic Mother

Yesterday started on the wrong foot when I got into a disagreement with my mother on the telephone and she hung up on me! So of course I had to call her back from my high road of maturity, and explain somewhat calmly that I didnít mind her giving away my things so long as she didnít sign my name to the gifts. Apparently this was too complex for her to grasp, and she just went from 0-to-Insane in less than 10 seconds. Eventhough I conducted myself with assurance and logic, I still felt crap afterwards. I am just tired of having to learn techniques and coping mechanisms to deal with someone who has never taken responsibility for her illness. Why do I have to be the responsible one? I know itís pointless to even think this way, it just makes me more upset and angry and that is unproductive. I just have to take solace in the fact that my unmedicated manic depressive mother is far away, in another city, hopefully making my other sisters just as miserable.

Iím not the only one with a crazy mother. All my girlfriends have mothers who are some brand of nut, and Iím pretty sure that itís not that Iím only attracted to girlfriends with insanity on their maternal side. Iíve begun to develop a theory about this because it is no longer coincidental to meet a woman who has troubles with her mom. Hereís the theory: the moms who birthed me and my age group (+/- 8 yrs) were really the first generation of women to *attempt to* balance homelife with professional careers; my motherís group were also the first to, in some cases, raise children on their own, without help from a father or some alimony or family. None of these women had the benefit of coming of age in a era of self-awareness--this is where my theory falls apart a little bit, bear with me--so for the most part, they lacked the ability to analyze their situations and how it was affecting their behaviors. These women looked at their daughters, saw themselves and began unraveling.

Naturally, Iíve met women who claim their mothers are fine. I usually do the internal eye-roll, and change the subject. Itís no fun talking about well-adjusted, normal parents! Where's the fun 'n' bonding in that?

Iíve got a few other tirades to go on, but Iíll save those for later.

10:03 a.m. - 2002-01-15

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