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rue-madame's Diaryland Diary

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Is that all there is?

Last night I went out to The Dresden for a birthday party. While I was happy for the birthday girl, the entire evening bummed me out.

First of all, there were two sets of friends--the social group and the work group--and it was like a junior high dance where half the kids are on one side of the gym, and the other half are on the other side. It was just lame. I tried flitting between the two groups to bring some cohesion, but it was futile. The energy was just strange for some reason and I was unable to be The Human Glue.

Then I put my foot in my mouth and made the birthday girl feel bad (one girl was telling her that this guy definitely likes her, and I butted in, “Him? Are you kidding?”) Immediately, I felt awful. I mean, the guy probably does like her, he’s solicitous, gives good presents, but I guess I could not conceal my horror that she would want his affection. He is such a wet noodle! And a neurotic downer! I should just have kept my mouth shut. That was unacceptable behavior and I am trying to come up with an appropriate mea culpa.

The other sad thing about The Dresden was that Marty and Elaine, the crazy singing duo, were not there. There was NO MUSIC at all and that was odd.

The cake was a white cake with chocolate frosting from Hansen’s Bakery (I guess Hansen’s is some kind of Los Angeles institution, and the birthday girl’s favorite.) Of course, the cake depressed me. It was mediocre and just. so. ordinary. How can that kind of a cake be enough? On your birthday, shouldn’t your cake be grand? Exquisite?

After I choked back a piece of cake, I sat back into a booth and looked at everyone, and realized: I don’t belong here. A 2 layer white cake with chocolate frosting and lavender roses might be enough for some folks, but not for me. I need more than that.

4:30 p.m. - 2002-02-04

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