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rue-madame's Diaryland Diary

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Seeing red

Iím biting the bullet and going to Hawaii in August for my friendsí wedding.

I realized that I would forever regret not being there, and Iím not into having regrets. So I bought the tickets a few days ago (and surprisingly, got a better fare than I would have in May,) and Terence made the reservation at the fancy resort.

So on the heels of feeling relieved about attending the wedding and making peace with spending all of that money, I received yesterday the invitation to the brideís shower.

The horror! The ignominy!

I opened the envelope and looked at all the little enclosures and totally freaked out. The main part of the invitation is a folded sheet of paper that is punched with two holes on the end. The cover has a dotted line, and I am supposed to write my name above the line and affix a picture of myself underneath. The idea is that my page will be bound with other womenís pages, and together they will form a delightful bundle of memories and advice for the bride. The worst part is what comes next: inside the little booklet are a bunch of incomplete sentences that I have to finish.

Example:

- The best recipe for romance is dotdotdot

- When your in-laws come to visit, be sure to dotdotdot

- Annoying habits men start to exhibit right after marriage dotdotdot

- I knew you when you were as pure as dotdotdot

The shower organizer stuck a little post-it on the paper that says, ďps this is a surprise,Ē meaning that I am not supposed to tell the bride that this is happening. The bride, my friends, will be very surprised... and shocked and embarassed, but I donít think the shower organizer had her in mind when she put this little ďsurpriseĒ together. The bride went to Mills, and is a highly evolved human being! Itís killing me that I canít tell her that this is happening! I want to charge!

I immediately called Tracy to see if she had received her invitation. I left two frantic, freaked out messages at her house and on her mobile before she called me back with sadness and resignation in her voice. I know Iím not crazy because Tracy, too, was insulted and bummed out. We contemplated filling out the forms with sassy, naughty bits but we donít know how to not be offended, and we donít know how to make light of the situation without insulting the woman throwing the party. ďWhen your in-laws come to visit, be sure to HIDE THE SEX TOYSĒ is really not that funny.

Iíve already committed to going to the shower which is incredibly generous on my part and believe me, I know that sounds snotty. I usually find a way to be absent on the day of the bridal shower. Iíve been to 7 weddings in my lifetime, and have only attended 2 showers, such is my dislike for them. I canít stand the games, the idiotic conversation, the assumption that validation through marriage is the only thing that matters in life...

I called my other friend Hilary, who is reasonable and always knows the right thing to do, to ask her for advice. I told her I was thinking about just not sending it in, just pretending to ďforgetĒ about it by burying it under a pile of bills and whatnot, and she recommended I do this: go find an old book or womenís magazine from the 50s, and cut and paste advice from them, turning the little shower game into an archaic ransom note of wifely duties. She said that way I could make fun of the shower thing and not offend anyone. I think I may go that route because I donít want to succumb to my nasty, vengeful Taurean side.

What would you do?

11:13 a.m. - 2002-06-29

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