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rue-madame's Diaryland Diary

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The Bell Jar or Armaggedon

This new client of mine, she is very demanding.

Today she called wanting to know how I was progressing on section 2, wondering if I would have time to complete that and section 3 by Friday. She said that ideally, she would prefer to have all six sections at once by Friday, but I interjected and said, “I’m plugging away, making a lot of progress and I can probably have 2.5 to 3 sections completed, if I also build time into the schedule for sleeping.”

WTF?

I didn’t want to tell her that I had already finished 2, and had begun 3. I can’t tell a new client absolutely everything! I’ve got to play some cards close to my chest. Plus I want her to be aware of the fact that I have other clients and am busy and in demand (eventhough right now, that is not entirely true.) Everyone thinks their project is more high-priority than everybody else’s, and everyone thinks they’re so goddamned important, but what about me? Aren’t I important? Well, yes, yes I am, thanks for asking. The client will get the completed 6 sections on Friday and be very, very happy. She will think I am a magician and want to pay me a bonus, or at the very least, hire me and throw down cash money the next time an assignment lands on her desk, because I kick ass.

Sometimes.

I am not so ass-kicking and name-taking in the homework department, but then, homework is not paying my rent. It’s understandable that workwork would take precendence over the home kind. Still, I will wake up early tomorrow and forego yoga in favor of painting stripes for the next assignment. I also have to prepare an oral presentation on some fabric I bought last week... Putain de merde! There are not enough hours in the day anymore.

I did not see Quasi for free last night. Instead, I saw Sylvia for free. It wasn’t bad. I liked the cinematography, and the depiction of artists struggling with their art and eachother. The big cons would be ham-handed melodramatic music which always drives me MAD, and overt color themes (I am one of those snobby people who prefers subtlety in that department.)

I am probably in the minority, but I happen to like Gwyneth Paltrow. I never feel like she’s phoning in her performances. She seems to invest herself in her roles, and does her homework (hey, is there a motif here?) I also have a lot of admiration for any artist who takes risks, experiments and opens him- or herself up to new experiences and to potential failures.

Is there a parallel here? Is the job I’ve recently accepted the equivalent of a Hollywood blockbuster? Am I compromising my art/design sensibilities by accepting the giant paycheck? I don’t think so, as I continue to do “good” and “interesting” work as well. And the job’s been accepted, so it’s too late to have a crise de conscience.

I like eating. And paying my rent without being overdrawn.

Me=1, Conscience=0

7:15 p.m. - 2003-10-17

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