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rue-madame's Diaryland Diary


Fesses en l'air

I don’t know if you guys remember, but a few months back I had a lovely appointment with a gastroenterologist.

He and his intern poked and palpated, then asked me and TA a million questions about my health and our sex life and whether or not either one of us had ever had any sexually transmitted diseases or had been IV drug users. Normally I don’t mind divulging a bunch of graphic details about my person--especially to healthcare professionals--but it is a different animal of embarrassing when you are laying on your side with your most delicate ass to the elements.

Naturally while in this position, the subject of backdoor action came up. I confessed to having engaged in it a couple of times--“a couple of times” meaning “I can count the occasions on one hand.” I am still a most delicate flower to be—ahem--deflowered in that department and it is not something that is a regular feature in our shenanigans. And it certainly had not been on the menu when my affliction began its residency.


Cut to a few weeks ago when I received my medical records from UCLA. I had to fax copies to a gastro here in Connecticut in order to get a consult. Of course, I go through the records pre-faxing because 1) I need to separate gastrorific info from other stuff, and 2) I’m curious. Those doctors are always scribbling away while you’re going on and on about what ails you, and I’ve always wondered what specifics they catch.

Well guess what?

They don’t fucking listen! They don’t catch jack!

I would have been fine with notes that included doodles or scribbles or a Jenny 867-5309, but this?

“Patient has a history of anal intercourse.”

I object! That is not true!

I almost crossed the sentence off the page before I faxed the records, but figured it would look fishy with a fat sharpie line going through there. It would just draw more attention. On the plus side, I should be glad that the sentence is buried between “no stigmata” (?) and “she is a very pleasant woman.”

Thank god I have an appointment next week. I just hope this guy knows his ass from his elbow.

12:22 p.m. - 2004-07-09



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