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rue-madame's Diaryland Diary

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Feel sorry for me time

Thanks, everyone, for the show of support.

I donít want to make a hasty decision regarding foot (or flipper if you saw the photo TA showed Gentry) surgery, but at the same time I donít want to spend the rest of my life hobbled by pain. Thereís a part of me that feels that Iíve already had enough surgeries to last a while (tonsillectomy, adenoidectomy, breast reduction, fistulotomy) while the major part of me is more pragmatic (throwing Surgery onto the Death and Taxes and Student Loans heap of Adult Certainties.)

My doctor is in his early 30s and a bit of a podiatry crackerjack, but I donít think he would recommend surgery if I didnít need it. Maybe operations are fun and challenging for him, but he knows the risks involved.

I was all, ďI donít have to make a decision right now, do I?Ē when he mentioned the operation. To which he replied something like, ďNo, no, itís something you should think about. But really, itís the only thing I can recommend. I can prescribe pain medications, and give you injections every few weeks, but the condition is not going to get better. Itís here to stay.Ē

He also told me not to hesitate seeing him. ďYou donít have to be in pain to come talk to me,Ē which was reassuring. As he said that, I remembered all the old, decrepit, moaning patients in the waiting room. If I were a doctor, wouldnít I rather spend my appointment time dealing with cute, lively women than with a batch of crotchety complainers?

If you google bunions, you get a cavalcade of Circus Freakshow Feet. My flippers are not as grossly deformed as those, thank god.

When I started this diary, I had no idea it would devolve into My Sundry Ailments. Itís such a downward spiral from living in Paris to chronicling my every medical consultation, ache and complaint. And I havenít even mentioned the other things that are wrong with me. Because of course, itís not just my feet that are falling apart! I have other problems!

Truth is, I am somewhat depressed about my fate and need an outlet. This deterioration is unfair and bumming me out. I take very good care of myself. I donít drink excessively, I donít do drugs, I eat healthy, I exercise... wahhhhh!

1:09 p.m. - 2005-03-26

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