rue-madame's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just call me Tony Robbins Lite

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Please sign my guestbook or leave me a note if you know how to procure tickets to see The Shins at Yale University. Thank you!
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Whenever TA and I talk about our car, he gets pissed off: angry that he spent so much money on it, annoyed that he let Want supersede Need. But the other day, he said something really interesting. He said that one of the reasons he wanted the car was to see what it was like to own a nice one. In his entire life, he�d never owned/driven anything nice. He�s always had clunkers or cars on their way to clunkerdom. When our friends found out what kind of car we bought, they were all stunned. Us? Nice car? Impossible! Driving a jalopy became one of our defining characteristics (which is weird because we�re both fancypants and own designer clothes.)

Anyway, the conclusion?

�I don�t care about owning a nice car. The enjoyment I derive from driving an Audi does not justify the costs of owning it. I�d rather have that money in the bank. Basically, I don�t care that much about cars. We should have bought a truck.�

When I told Mr Bingo, he said �You have to find a way to bottle that and sell it to people around the world!� I am lucky to have a boyfriend who doesn�t view his car as an extension of his ego.

Or does he?

The thing about TA is that he is a practical little Virgo. Sometimes to a fault. The beautiful suit that he bought for the Swiss wedding, the one that he looks like a million bucks in? He regrets that too.

Let me tell you, it�s arduous work convincing him (all the time) that he deserves to treat himself, that he�s worthy of the finer things in life. I finally got him to wear the two new Fred Perrys I bought him back in January. Five years ago, those shirts would have been tucked delicately into a drawer for a �special occasion,� only to be trotted out 20 years later as dead stock vintage. Thank god I had the weather�s help in convincing him that his Agnes B. coat was worth the money; I don�t know what I would have done if I�d had to listen to him lament how he shouldn�t have bought it! It was warmer than all his other coats, and looked cool to boot.

I�m so happy that he�s approaching grad school with enthusiasm and excitement. I think the validation is very important (this is something I hadn�t considered, but that Gentry pointed out.) He hasn�t once said anything about not deserving it, or not feeling worthy. This one woman cheering section is feeling pretty accomplished, let me tell you!

Sometimes I feel a little bit like Jules in Pulp Fiction. Not the part about being a hit man, or being the tyranny of selfish and evil men; I mean the part about trying REAL HARD to be the shepherd. I try real hard to be the best version of myself and to encourage TA to fulfill his destiny of greatness. Some people get their shot early in life; for some, it happens later. You can�t get caught up in those kinds of details. We all have a unique teleology.

I hate to get all preachy, but the truth is, if you don�t like your life, change it. Nobody�s going to do it for you! It�s important to remember that without intention, there is no transformation. Get off your ass and commit to something! If you don�t do it now, then when? When you�re 73? (like my mother who is only now getting the Masters degree that she wanted at 24? Not that it isn�t great that she�s doing it now. It�s just, she should have done it when she wanted to do it. But that was the 50s and she was supposed to be married, not in graduate school.)

Caffeine and Franz Ferdinand� now that�s a potent combo.

10:22 a.m. - 2005-04-14

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next