rue-madame's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All fall down

My weekend sucked. It�s as if the diagnosis turned all of the worst symptoms on 11. Not only did every joint in my body ache and swell, but I had a low-grade fever, a red rash on my right wrist and exhaustion to boot. I could barely move.

Mornings are definitely the worst. That�s when I can�t even get myself out of bed. I have to ask TA to pull the covers off and hoist me up. But it varies from day to day, like today I was able to hoist myself up but I still needed his assistance throwing the duvet aside. Doorknobs and buttons have never looked more menacing. Today my small victory was being able to squeeze toothpaste onto my toothbrush, but I still needed TA�s help getting the cap off the milk so I could pour some into my tea.

I can�t believe that 2 months ago I was fine (except for my feet), and doing yoga 4 times a week. I don�t understand how my body went from that to this. I hope the rheumatoid arthritis will go into remission, and that I am one of those lucky few whose flare-ups occur once in a blue moon.

I feel like I need to stay positive, to prevent my white blood cells from attacking, but the longer I wait to see a specialist, the harder it is for me to maintain an optimistic outlook.

I wonder if my days as a graphic designer are numbered?

9:42 a.m. - 2005-04-26

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next