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rue-madame's Diaryland Diary

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All fall down

My weekend sucked. Itís as if the diagnosis turned all of the worst symptoms on 11. Not only did every joint in my body ache and swell, but I had a low-grade fever, a red rash on my right wrist and exhaustion to boot. I could barely move.

Mornings are definitely the worst. Thatís when I canít even get myself out of bed. I have to ask TA to pull the covers off and hoist me up. But it varies from day to day, like today I was able to hoist myself up but I still needed his assistance throwing the duvet aside. Doorknobs and buttons have never looked more menacing. Today my small victory was being able to squeeze toothpaste onto my toothbrush, but I still needed TAís help getting the cap off the milk so I could pour some into my tea.

I canít believe that 2 months ago I was fine (except for my feet), and doing yoga 4 times a week. I donít understand how my body went from that to this. I hope the rheumatoid arthritis will go into remission, and that I am one of those lucky few whose flare-ups occur once in a blue moon.

I feel like I need to stay positive, to prevent my white blood cells from attacking, but the longer I wait to see a specialist, the harder it is for me to maintain an optimistic outlook.

I wonder if my days as a graphic designer are numbered?

9:42 a.m. - 2005-04-26

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