rue-madame's Diaryland
Diary
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Are you in, or are you out?
Last week, I met with my new allergist. He seemed like a good doctor, very thorough, explained everything to me, EXCEPT... except he had a comb-over! Who still does that? We all know you�re losing your hair Mister, get over it! A friend of mine used to call that hairdo �savings and loan� because you save a little on one side to loan to the other. That still cracks me up. Anyway, the doctor is actually very nice, he did research in Paris and speaks French so I have an extra little bit of like for him. We conducted our entire appointment in French, and his accent was pas mal du tout. He asked me if I�d be interested in participating in a study for a new asthma medication which is now in its 3rd stage of trials. I said sure. I mean, I�m not really doing anything else right now, why not do a good deed for science? Of course, I got really excited when he told me that it could potentially pay $450 if I get accepted into the study. Next week is when I�ll find out if I qualify or not. I�ve counted my chickens before they�ve hatched (meaning that I�ve already started fantasy styling with my $450 aka Marc Jacobs boots. Come on 450!) In the meantime, I�ve got some new medication/placebo I�m using, and a detailed chart I have to fill out every single day with medication times, other symptoms/aches/pains etc. I�ve actually got to work. Today they took blood, urine, my pulse, my blood pressure, measured my height and weighed me, then conducted a whole battery, and I do mean battery, of lung tests. Man, it�s really hard doing all that forced breathing. It takes the stuffing right out of you. Imagine this: you�re breathing into a tube (your lips are wrapped around the tube) and you�re asked to breath in and out twice, slowly, then you�re asked to immediately take a deep, deep inhale, then exhale with all of the speed and might that you can muster over a 6-to-8 second interval. Meanwhile, the research assistant is trying to encourage you with �keep going, keep going! More! More!� At the same time that you are nearly blacking out for lack of oxygen, you are watching lines on a monitor slowly draw your breathing pattern in etch-a-sketch style. Trippy. I had to do it three times, and all three times the drawings of my breathing didn�t really change. I felt like such a loser--I couldn�t even improve my performance after 3 tries. Duh, the last time was the worst because I was exhausted! But it�s hard being a results-oriented person and watching your results go down as you try harder and harder. I was completely fixated by the drawing, wondering how to turn my angular lines into smooth round ones, but obviously there were no knobs that I could fiddle with, so... Then I had to listen to the researcher tell/admonish me that I am not functioning at 100% of my lung strength, and don�t I feel bad? No, I don�t. If I am not wheezing, and can engage in all of my normal activities without any hindrance, then I don�t overmedicate. He thought I should be using my albuterol inhaler more. I agreed with him that I am probably accustomed at this point to the way that my lungs feel, and that operating at 65% seems natural, but he was concerned that I am undermedicating. I think it�s really funny that every single allergy/asthma professional that I have met in my life is in perfect health. Not a one of them has a lung condition. I even had a crazy old allergist who SMOKED! And had the nerve to tell me not to! (Not that I smoke, but come on. How can I take a pulmonary specialist seriously if he engages in the one activity that has been scientifically proven to damage the lungs???) I�m not saying that 65% is good (I�m Type A! Only 100% will do!) but if it feels ok to me, what�s the big deal? I really don�t think that my quality of life will improve by 35% by being a 100 percenter. But who knows? Maybe in my old age, I am accepting mediocrity, and have complacently become a D student. The thought is just revolting. But there�s no way I can feel crappy today. No way at all. In yoga class, I did a headstand to crow and jumped back into chataranga like a fucking star yogi! I ROCK AT 65%, yo! The best news around these parts is that Sigerson Morrison has finally decided to open a store in Los Angeles. Apparently, they will be ready for business in the Fall, and just a hop, skip and jump away from my apartment. I think I�m going to write them a fan letter and see if I can be a retail whore or maybe work for them in some sort of graphic design capacity. I just heart them to death. Hilary pointed out that I am becoming a work/exchange addict--first yoga (exchanging work for free classes,) now a shoe store (exchanging work for discounts on shoes.) I say there are worse things to be accused of. I�m all about the trade.
5:53 p.m. - 2002-06-12
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