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rue-madame's Diaryland Diary


I feel like Devo. I keep singing about Freedom of Choice

T sent me an email last week. In it, he mentioned how much he’s going to be paid every two weeks. He seemed really excited and signed off by saying “I can’t wait to spend it on you.”

Awwww. So sweet. I told him to be careful because I’ve got expensive taste. But he knows that already. I’d like to pay off our debts, go to Paris, and get my LV dream watch. Not necessarily in that order.

Friday night I had free passes to see/hear Snow Patrol. We all got there late, heard the last 3 songs, then sat at the bar at the Troubadour just chatting. Guess who was standing right next to us? Tömmy Lee. He caused quite a stir with the ladies. He got asked for his autograph a million times, posed for pictures, and even accepted a demo from the bartender. He was very nice to all the people who interrupted him. I don’t go for the tattooed rockers meself, but let me tell you something: the guy is very, very cute. Way more attractive than you think.

Other than moving-related boring crap, and getting the car fixed, the weekend was pretty mellow.

Today was definitely more monumental. I had a $3.95 breakfast at Swinger’s, and an abortion.

I’ve been feeling ill and bloated and fat and emotional and gross and hungry and hormonal for a while now, and when my period officially didn’t show up for the second time, I got one of those pregnancy tests. You should know that it’s “normal” for me to miss periods during times of stress, and I have been nothing if not stressed to the gills. Anyway, I peed on the prego thingie, waited 3 minutes, and sure enough, I got the two pink lines. Did I jump for joy? Nope. I left the pee wand on the bathroom sink, and closed the door, hoping it would just go away. I spent an entire day agonizing over what to do, until I realized that my initial reaction to the two pink lines told me everything I needed to know.

I called my obgyn.

The procedure occurred in two parts: the first appointment was at 8:15 am. The doctor inserted gauze and a “laminaria” (looked like a skinny wooden dowel) made of seaweed that expanded my uterus gradually over a 6 hour period. At the second appt (2:15 pm), the doctor removed the laminaria and gauze, swabbed my uterus with betadine (not fun, nothing pointy should be in there,) injected me twice with anesthesia (I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy) then vacuumed me clean of conception.

I took a nap, ate a bagel and cream cheese, took a bunch of ibuprofen, and watched a movie. I am feeling tender and tired, but I am so, so relieved that it’s over. Terence was lovely. He held my hand the entire time, and reminded me to relax and breathe. He put his palm on my forehead to calm me and strangely enough it worked.

Thank god for freedom of choice.

7:03 p.m. - 2004-02-23



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