rue-madame's Diaryland Diary

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Reunited and it feels so goooood!

Don�t get me wrong. I�m still bummed out about my one deteriorating finger. But to put things in perspective:
- I still have 9 fingers left that are (so far) fine and not showing signs of joint erosion
- I can do practically all of the yoga poses I was doing before my diagnosis, and how many people with recently diagnosed RA can say that? I told my rheumatologist what I was up to, and her jaw hit the floor. This is an unflappable, clinical woman. I bitch-flapped her!
- My depressions never last long. I cry and feel sorry for myself for a few hours, then I�m done. No pharmaceuticals necessary. This keeps the cost of my mental healthcare wayyyy down. And I can save the happy pills for recreation!
- I have an awesome boyfriend who told me the other day that I was his hero. It was just what I needed to hear to buck up and get over my sorry-ass self. I mean, yes, RA is a terrible disease but it�s not cancer (yet.)
- It�s funny that TA considers me his hero, because he is totally mine. This is the gross �we�re still in love after ten million years and just a few days away from buying matching windbreakers with �Captain� and �First Mate� embroidery� part. Sorry about that.

I went to yoga yesterday morning then immediately turned around and hopped on a train to Manhattan. While TA was in school, I shopped and noshed with Mr Bingo. Later the two of us went back to TA�s school to attend a lecture given by a designer/artist who is essentially my little brother. Whom I haven�t seen in 10 years. It was a Reunion with a capital �R�.

Ten years is a long time, and my little brother? Not so little. And you know what else? Fucking sexy as all get-out! It was crazy. And his little brother, who is like my second little brother, not so little either. In fact, tall and athletic and majorly hot. I know I must sound like Paris Hilton talking about her little siblings, and really, maybe this is even sounding a little dirty? Whatever. They are both talented and creative and funny and brilliant. It was exciting and sentimental, like waking up from a fantastic dream and realizing �it�s not a dream! It�s happening right now!�

Somehow or other, his family and mine lost touch.

And touch is such an apt word. I can remember cuddling these little brothers of mine, I can remember the smell of their hair and how adorable they were when they would each reach for my hand before we�d cross the street. Last night when the older of the two hugged me, it was as though someone had plugged us into a socket, so tingly and delirious we were, staring at each other in disbelief. I mean, we�re talking Dr Zhivago here, swirls of imaginary orchestral strings, a fog machine, me in dewy perfect Julie Christie makeup. I practically fainted when he squeezed my arm and said �you�re real.�

I�m sure to other people it must have looked strange�TA�s girlfriend locked in a crazy embrace with a visiting lecturer, 8 years her junior. Then locked in another embrace with a stud of a nineteen year old.

We ate and drank at Pravda, stayed out way too late. At one point in evening, I just looked around the table and marvelled that so many of my most favorite people were sitting together, talking and laughing. I tried to memorialize it with some cameraphone shots, but this morning the pictures are just blurry pixelated blobs.

TA and I crashed at Mr Bingo�s sister�s instead of taking the train home. I had to put my contact lenses in shot glasses and cover them with as many squirts of rewetting drops as I could sacrifice. Sadly there was only one survivor. On the train back to NH this morning, I was a cyclops with a screaming headache and a cup of coffee, but a giddy cyclops with the biggest smile on her face.

Life is funny.

1:07 p.m. - 2006-04-15

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