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rue-madame's Diaryland Diary

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Wednesday's child is full of woe

I am so thrilled that the United Farm Workers are no longer boycotting grapes. Iím eating some right now and they are very refreshing.

This has so far been a strenuous week. I have such a stiff neck and itís only Wednesday. Good lord. When am I going to be paid so that I can go get a massage? Fric and frac.

However I did manage to go out last night, and see some music and some comedy. Janeane Garofalo and Muckafurgason to be precise. Muckafurgason has now joined the list of Most Favorite Live Bands. Great music, funny banter, and nutty musical chairs with the instruments.

I put the finishing touches on my portfolio today. Iím supposed to send it someplace on Friday. A long time ago, I won an award and was published in a book. This guy who wants my portfolio saw my stuff in that book. Iím sure I complained about how much it cost me to be included in the aforementioned book, but now itís paid off since this guy, out of nowhere, contacted me for some samples. He said that he liked my ďsmart-ass sense of humor;Ē how he got that from my business card and stationery system is beyond me. I mean, I *am* a weisenheimer, but I donít think you can tell from the colors or the typography or whatever. Or maybe Iím kidding myself. Anyway, he was very complimentary on the telephone--and flattery will get you everywhere with me--so I felt inspired to finesse some samples and spruce the whole portfolio up.

So thatís one of the boring things Iíve been consumed with.

The other, far more interesting for me, is figuring out how to get my hair cut. This is a perennial problem since there are no decent cuts/styles for curly hair. Itís impossible to find pictures of anyone marginally hip or fashionable or hell, even trendy, with attractive curly hair. For chrissakes, even Felicityís abandoned the curls! I suppose I could just suck it up, buy a bunch of straightening products, a hair dryer, a Sapphire hair iron, and a brush (I donít own any of these items) and fry my hair into submission, and I may just do that. I am sick of listening to myself complain about my dumb-ass coiffure.

In other tragic news, Terence and I had a huge argument today. I think the Ďargumentí started out as another one of his laments about how much he hates Los Angeles, how thereís nothing for him here, blahblahblah, and I took it personally. He didnít mean to upset me, but everything just downward spiraled from there. Itís hard when youíre the one who selected Los Angeles not to get bent out of shape when your significant other does nothing but complain about it. I will admit that itís not ideal--our apartment is more of an office than anything else, we are surrounded by boxes because we have no shelves or file cabinets or furniture, our car is falling apart, we have no money--but I am trying to make the best of it. I prefer to see this state as transitional. Yeah, I hate tripping over cables and boxes, but itís not forever. Terence, on the other hand, cannot conceive of a future without cables and boxes everywhere; he feels hopeless because there is nothing about the present that portends a brighter future. I just completely lost it, and was all, ďI canít make you happy! You need to make you happy! Go get a job already! And worry about this relationship later!Ē It was ugly for a while there. I was seething. Iíve tried to be supportive emotionally, god knows Iíve been supportive financially, but enough is enough. I am not interested in being the primary breadwinner, I am not interested in living with someone who is so fucking negative all the time, who has such a narrow definition of personal fulfillment and success. He said there were jobs he hadnít applied for because he knew I wouldnít want to move there. Itís really, really sweet that he canít live without me, and that he doesnít want to jeopardize our relationship, but come on! Weíve been together since Christ died. If we canít survive a long distance thing, what the hell does that say about us?

Anyway, we didnít really resolve anything. I just said, ďCan we be done with this now?Ē because I couldnít stand going in circles, talking about everything over and over and over again. I donít think there will be major breakthroughs however I think Terence has decided to pursue all job leads, wherever they may be. Itís true that I am afflicted with wanderlust, but my bohemian feet are not especially itching to go to Cleveland or Seattle.

I'm off to escape my life and drown my sorrows in last night's Buffy season premiere.

8:46 p.m. - 2002-09-25

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