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rue-madame's Diaryland Diary


Aahhhh, feelin' better

I cannot wait to go to New York in two weeks! I have a feeling it will be just the kick in the ass Iíve been needing.

Onto matters in the present: Beulah plays tonight and the morose self-pity is coming to an end. I cannot stay depressed for too long, I really canít. I was much better at moping and feeling sorry for myself when I was a teenager, but now that Iím an old lady, I get fed-up with dark and lugubrious moods and usually give up the ghost after just a few days. Now, itís all alacrity and shit.

I exaggerate, but not completely. I am still determined not to have a party for my birthday. I started designing a little gif invite, and my heart just wasnít in it. I couldnít get excited about having a few (I canít believe I know 14 people in Los Angeles) people over for cake and stuff, so I just decided then (yesterday)and there (at my desk) that it was my birthday and I didnít have to have a party (or cry) if I didnít want to. I think it has to do with not liking deadlines on my birthday (organizing a party and getting all the supplies etc closely resembles what I do for a living,) and also maybe not really wanting to celebrate my birthday here, in this city, at this time.

Oh my god.

Does anyone else freak out about excessive parenthetical modifiers? Or for that matter, excessive use of m-dashes? I am a little concerned about it right at this very moment.

The moment has passed.

Jenny pointed out in my guestbook that I could be suffering from pre-birthday blues, and there is probably some truth to that theory. I am annoyed at being so conventional! My symptoms are so easily identified. I would like to be more complex. Oh well.

And now, before any more self-realization raises its nasty little Gorgonian head, I have to get ready for class.

8:49 a.m. - 2002-05-01



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