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rue-madame's Diaryland Diary

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Minus 2 friends, plus 1 friend

Whirlwind-o-rama or maybe it should be whirlwind redux?

Anyway, itís Monday night and I am fucking exhausted. I feel like Iíve been on a treadmill for three days, and Iím just now falling off and collapsing.

As you know, there were two San Francisco people in town this weekend. One friend that I adore, and another one that makes me a little uneasy.

And hereís why:

a long time ago, we worked together and right around the time I tendered my resignation, I started to feel sorry for her in a really evil and bad Popular Girl vs. Special People way. Even writing this makes me feel like such an asshole. I was nice and helpful to her out of pity. See? I had the worst motives! I acted out of charity, and how fucked up is that? You canít offer friendship that way. Itís cruel.

I donít want to meet her family. I donít want to get closer. Iím not even comfortable with the friendship at its current level. I feel like Iím being trotted out for some kind of validation. Itís probably absurd, not to mention egomaniacal, for me to think this way. And the real question is: iss she going to fashion a freakish Silence of the Lambs Rue-Madame coat? Because if she is, I want OFF this crazy thing.

And speaking of coats, you all know that I own the coat to end all coats? (and one of these days, Iíll post a picture of me wearing the thing) Today, I tried on a very cute, tomato-red little number at Banana Republic. It was $180 on sale, and fit perfectly (except in the sleeves which were, naturally, too long.) I did not buy it. I resisted. No cheap, slave-labor clothing for me. The reality is that I cannot justify any sort of purchase when I donít know if Iíll make rent in a few months, so Iíve got to be Squirrel Nutkin and conserve, conserve, conserve. I also saw my MJ boots at Neimanís, and I was tempted to try them on (again) but I so despise that store that I decided not to. No need to spend money for bad service. Vote with your dollar (or in my case, VETO with your dollar.)

The other friend (originally from Montana) who was in town was a handful, mostly because she talks incessantly. But sheís highly entertaining, always has tons of funny stories, and is very warm and gregarious. Sheís getting married in June, so she talked a lot about wedding stuff, but it didnít annoy me because she doesnít take my unmarried stance personally. I love this about her. When she asks me if Iím ever getting married, and I say ďfuck no,Ē she neither bats an eyelash nor wants to get into some feigned-concern conversation about it. She just looks at me and cracks up.

At one point, we went to a bead store because she was looking for some pins with pearls on top (these pins are inserted into the centers of flowers to make the floral arrangements more photogenic. Did you know this?) She wanted my feedback, and all I could offer was ďWhy canít a flower be a flower? Why does it have to be adorned?Ē when a woman interrupted and talked about these special pins with their special names and special variations, and my eyes glazed over. These days, with the hair the makeup the stylists the dresses the Vera Wangs/Manolos/Jimmy Choos the tiaras the veils the fancy underthings the Wedding issue of InStyle that everyone wants to copy, the marriage itself is not nearly as important as how itís captured in photos or on video. Iíll take ĎForm Over Contentí for $50,000, Mr. McLuhan.

At some point we drove to Santa Monica, and had coffee with Nadiaís little cousin, who just moved to California from Paris. Heís the second French guy Iíve met in the last three years who doesnít drink coffee. I canít understand this, but at least, he likes giant hot chocolate with whipped cream. Iíve invited him to Thanksgiving so he can experience what I believe is the best American holiday. He loves American tv, recognized my Claddagh ring from an ancient episode of Buffy (which made him my new best friend,) and went on and on about how much he loves the films of John Hughes, and how none of his friends in France can understand his fascination with ďThe Breakfast ClubĒ and ďPretty in Pink.Ē I think this is going to be the beginning of a lovely friendship.

You win some, you lose some.

6:53 p.m. - 2002-11-18

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