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rue-madame's Diaryland Diary


Elvis is trying to break free!

Both essays are done and I’ve sent them off to my recommenders so they know what the hell to write about me. I’ve also included sample images of my art so they know what I’m up to in my spare time (ha! “spare time”! What on earth is that?)

TA has been my photographer, shooting installations and flat work like a pro. I tell you, I am so lucky to have him helping me. I would be so behind without him. He’s got all sorts of light and adhoc reflectors set up, his gray card at the ready.

Actually TA is my hero right now. He went to one of our older neighbor’s apartments the other day and sheetrocked her closet! He offered! He just got his tools together, went over there, drywalled then helped her install a new closet system. She tried to give him $100, and he declined.

When I asked him about it, he just said, “You know, she’s an older, small, single woman. Who is going to help her? Besides, it’ll take seconds.” It practically made me cry. Who does this anymore?

The other thing that made me almost cry is an evaluation he got from one of his professors this semester. The instructor was so fucking brilliant in her assessment of TA, it freaked him out.

She said, “TA: your reviews were thoughtful and well-written, though I seem to remember that you said you can’t write! I wish you could have participated more in class. When you did, your comments were spot on, and I think, given your professional experience the class would have been enriched by your perspective. I could not tell if it was just shyness or if you were disengaged. Given the quality of the work you produced, I am inclined to think you just naturally hold back. You have so many good ideas, and a professional disciplined approach, but I think you have to put out a bit more energy and outward enthusiasm.”

But wait, there’s MORE!

“I grade based on what I perceive to be the student's potential...You did show up to class all the time, and handed in work. So the (minus) in the grade is a message to you that I think you do have star quality. You have the ability to do greater work and need to put yourself out there more--or, stop hiding and show your stuff with more assertiveness, confidence and pride.”

Who needs grades when you have professors who actually really, truly pay attention to their students? TA was upset, mostly because everything she said was true. He is still scarred from his childhood of being in Special Ed (which, he likes to point out, was neither) and of being taken for stupid because of his dyslexia and learning disabilities (which, let me tell you, are considerable hurdles.)

It makes me sad that he still lacks confidence, especially when he’s got lots of folks rooting for him. But at least now, he got a little wake-up call, and maybe, just maybe, this last semester of grad school (I can’t believe it’s almost over, either!) he will be unembarassed to unleash his inner Rockstar.

I struggle with the same insecurities. Don’t we all? 2007 is going to be a major renewal, I can just feel it. I’m actually excited!

7:09 p.m. - 2007-01-01



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